The gift we're still too afraid to give

 

This week looked different than I’d planned.

Monday was my Dad’s annual cardiac testing - a full day of appointments that, frankly, did him in. Since Mom’s passing in June, Dad has become more frail, moving slower through the world. What used to be routine medical visits now require careful pacing and extra support.

The rest of my week shifted to match his needs. Grocery runs. Pharmacy visits. Simply sitting with Dad while he rested between errands.

As a solo entrepreneur, I have something many of my former colleagues never had: full agency over my time. I can move my business around life’s tender moments without asking permission, without guilt, without explaining myself to anyone but me.

But I still remember what it felt like when that wasn’t true.

My corporate memories

In my 30-year HR career, flexibility was often treated like a rare gift. Something to be earned, rationed, or justified with detailed explanations. 

Need to leave early for an appointment? “Can’t you reschedule it?”

Working from home because your child is sick? “Is there anyone else who can watch them?”

Want to adjust your schedule during a family crisis? “We’ll make an exception this time.”

The message was clear: work comes first. Life happens around it.

But here’s what I’ve learned - both as someone who lived in that system and now as someone who coaches leaders within it:

Flexibility isn’t a perk. It’s a necessity for sustainable performance.

What I’m still seeing

Even now, in 2025, I watch my clients wrestle with this. Leaders who want to offer their teams more agency but worry about:

• Setting precedents they can’t maintain
• Being seen as “soft” by their own leadership
• Productivity dipping if people have “too much” freedom
• Fairness across different roles and responsibilities

Meanwhile, their team members are quietly burning out, resentful, or planning their exit strategies. Not because they don’t care about the work, but because they need space to be whole humans.

A different way forward

What if we stopped treating flexibility like something that needs to be justified and started treating it like what it really is: a leadership tool for building trust, retention, and sustainable performance.

🌱 Self-coaching prompts for leaders

Take a moment to reflect honestly:

 

• Where am I saying "no" to flexibility out of fear rather than genuine business need?
• What story am I telling myself about what will happen if I give my team more agency? (And is that story actually true?)

• When have I felt most trusted and supported by a leader? (What did they do differently?)

 

• How might my team’s work - and wellbeing - improve if they felt more trusted to manage their own time and energy?

🪷 Three shifts you can try this week

1. Replace “Let me think about it” with “What would make this work?” When someone requests flexibility, instead of defaulting to caution, get curious about solutions.
2. Focus on outcomes, not activity. Ask yourself: Am I managing their calendar, or am I managing their results?
3. Model the flexibility you want to see. Take that lunch break. Leave early for your own appointment. Show your team that being human isn’t something to hide.

For those still waiting for permission

If you’re reading this from within a system that doesn’t yet embrace flexibility, I see you. And I want you to know: advocating for your needs isn’t selfish. It’s necessary.

Start small. Have honest conversations. And remember - you deserve to lead a life where caring for the people you love doesn’t require an apology. 

A quiet truth

This week, as I watched my Dad move slowly through tasks that used to be simple, I was reminded that life doesn’t wait for convenient timing. 

The gift of flexibility - true flexibility - isn’t just about productivity or retention metrics. 

It’s about creating workplaces where people can show up as whole humans. Where caring for aging parents, sick children, or our own wellbeing isn’t something we have to hide or justify. 

Where we trust each other enough to be real.

That’s the kind of leadership the world needs more of. And it starts with leaders brave enough to give their teams what they’ve always deserved: the agency to live their lives while doing meaningful work.

Wishing you an enjoyable and restful weekend.

With care, Kris 🌸

💌 Know a leader who could use this reminder? Forward this edition their way - they’re warmly welcome.

P.S. As my valued Tranquil Talks family, you get first notice of something I’m excited to share: the relaunch of my refreshed pilot offer - Lotus Momentum: Builder. A bite-sized, personalized approach to leadership coaching and HR advisory designed specifically for introverted leaders.

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You can learn more here: Lotus Momentum: Builder

This work is close to my heart, and I’m grateful to share it with people who truly understand the quiet power of thoughtful leadership.  

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